Rebel Rescuer

So it seems that we have a sick dog (duh, that’s why he’s been at the vet since Sunday, wracking up a bill that I’m going to need laughing gas to be able to swallow).  Anyway, he’s being tested for everything from depression to jock itch.  One possibility (and a word that now strikes fear deep into my teeny heart) is lepto.  Now lepto is apparently some really bad shit that they get from…well, SHIT.  Ok, not really, but they can get it from the Number One of raccoons and stagnant water.  That is OR stagnant water because stagnant water doesn’t really pee.  Anyway…..

The only stuff that kills it is Clorox (and I love it….more than the Matrix on most days…hey, it never wants dinner and has no aversion to chick flicks).  So after another mind-numbing day in the dungeon of doom, I ran home, loaded every dog bed in the house (which pretty well filled Whitey to the brim) and headed for the laundromat.

Mind if I digress?  Is there anything quite as embarrassing as washing dog beds at the laundromat?  I mean, I could give a shit, but I feel bad for the people who are putting their clothes in the same machine that just had my DOG BEDS in it.  Oh well, who says black trash bags are just for dead bodies?

Back to reality.  I got them all done (and used a gallon of bleach in the process) and set them to drying.  At which point the Pinup Girl calls and decides that she MUST come over tonight and surrender said sick dog and his buddy to us to put up for adoption.  OMG.  All I could think of is that the Matrix was at home spreading the Clorox Love on everything tangible and she and the Nekked Movie Girl were coming over!!  (Did I mention that I looked like shit today?).

But alas, it came off without a hitch and the two new doglets are now in custody of the Asylum.  Welcome to the ophanage guys….Ok, well they’re used to it here since they’ve been here being lavishly babysat for six weeks.  So unless they know about paperwork, its just another day to them.

Said sick dog is coming home from the vet tomorrow (Oblivious to the fact that he’s now technically homeless and a wandering soul in the world).  We’ll be glad to have him back healthy.  We’ll also be glad when someone starts adopting said dogs before I start snorting Guiness or taking it by IV.

End meaningless digression.

So if he DOES have lepto (which is not likely at all), it seems that the Matrix and I will have to be tested too.  Can you imagine how fun that phonecall is gonna be?

Me:  Yeah Doc I need a lepto test.

Him:  Lepto?

Me:  Yeah, because the vet said so

Him:  Have you been rolling in raccoon piss again? (snicker)

Me:  No, I prefer to just put my nose in it. 

Anyway, we’re keeping our fingers crossed that he doesn’t have it and we can all return to normal.  However, if there is a germ to be found anywhere in the Asylum’s immediate vincinty, it’s gonna die a horrible death in this war known as Clorox Campaign 2007.  Even the grass is getting a 10:1 spray down.  If I had nukes, I’d probably use them in every nook and cranny of this place.  But I don’t so I’m armed with bleach, kneepads (sexy), and the Matrix’s sense of humor to wage this war.

Wish us luck…hell hath no fury like a woman with bleach!!!